These are the stories related to various members of my work
colleagues and myself by a Senior Laboratory Consultant who
was paid a big salary by senior management despite the fact
he was clinically insane. This is actually what he told us over
a period of years during the late 1980s. Can you honestly say that
the British Electronics industry is not full to the brim with nutters
after reading this......

It seems amazing that he was kept employed and was paid TWICE what
young electronics engineers were paid, but he was...It was only when we 
actually compiled all his stories into a file that we realised
just what a bloody nutter he was.....

The Lab manager doted on every word he uttered....not
surprisingly, the lab became insolvent and was split up
around 1990.....

He was a man with X to the power Y personalities, where X and Y are
both infinite.


THIS IS A SUMMARY OF WHAT THIS SENIOR, HIGHLY PAID, LAB CONSULTANT TOLD US....
ALL OF IT WAS, UNDOUBTEDLY, UTTER BOLLOCKS.........


Claims made by "Mr X":-

1. He track-tested a 50cc V12 moped for Audi in Germany
2. He is a world authority on the Turin shroud and linked to it's discovery
3. He was one of the first men to be informed when the Watergate scandal broke
4. He was once having affairs with 7 women simultaneously.
5. He has lived amongst Mormons.
6. He bought a car in America and found a concrete encased Mafia victim in the
   boot.
7. A friend of his defused a KILOTON (!) bomb in the boot of a car.
8. In 1936, the valuable land his house was built on was sold off cheap.
   During the sale a riot developed and the local constabulary shot 88 people
   dead.
9. He knew a woman who was flying in a microlite and entered a freak thunderstorm.
   For several minutes she ascended to a height of 200 miles above the Earth.
   (Who needs the Space Shuttle?)
10. His cat is 2 foot 4 inches long and weighs 2 and a quarter stone. It spends
    all night roaming his village, jumping on other cats and flattening them.....
    It can shake it's head at 10,000 g and it's whiskers go thru the sound barrier!
11. His father made the shoes for the last British Hangman
12. In 1986, he mobilised "half the Belgian police force" to search for a door-to-door
    Belgian soap powder salesman who sold Mr X counterfeit soap powder that burnt his
    neck.
13. His book on digital modems was turned into a US TV show
14. He once hired a 747 to bring 200 morticians over from the USA on a fact-finding
    tour of British Funeral Parlours.
15. His wife had to give up flying when she walked past a jet from Nigeria which was
    dumping effluent on the runway. The effluent contained Green Monkey Disease, which
    his wife developed. It permanently altered her personality.
16. His neighbour has an Irish Wolfhound which is eleven feet long.
17. His wife can fly executive jets (has a share in one), Jumbo Jets
    and Chinook helicopters. She specialised in crop spraying in the
    Tunisian Desert (before getting Green Monkey disease).
18. In 1985 his living room carpet was valued at 25K
19. He owns a race horse and keeps pigs for his own supply of bacon;
    he is also Jewish.
20. He fought alongside US troops in the Korean war
21. He owns a street full of terraced houses in the north, left to him
    & his wife by a rich aunt.
22. Shortly after I acquired 11 x 80 binoculars he said he'd acquired Rommel's
    personal pair of 28 x 300s!!!
23. Shortly after I acquired a 2.8 litre car in 1984, he 'bored out'
    his 2.1 litre Audi to 2.9 litres at the weekend.
24. A friend of his can change a VW beetle engine in under 10 minutes.
25. He is a highly respected Mason.
26. His first attempt at buying an Audi Quattro ended in disaster....seconds
    after it left the showroom it was hit by a Kawasaki 1300 Superbike
    doing 130mph past the garage.
27. Years later, his second attempt at buying an Audi Quattro ended in another
    disaster.....he was picking it up at 2.30pm on Saturday 24th Aug 1985 from
    a garage in Kent. In fact they thought he was picking it up at 2.30am and
    had left it on the forecourt, keys in the ignition.....Yeah Right !!!
    "Four black youths" nicked it and drove it into a tree....2 were killed outright
    one was in intensive care and the 4th was released on bail.
    The cars scrap value was assessed at 1300 quid.
    Mr X had already bought a Council Dust Cart which had the personalised number
    plate he was going to put on the car!!
28. He is secretary of the Police Shooting Club
29. He is secretary of the local branch of the National Farmers Union
30. He reads "ten thick books" every day
31. His TV video of a glamorous women in a jacuzzi sold 88 bathroom suites in 9 days.
32. A friend of his called Schwartz, in Tucson charges 30 thousand dollars (mid 1980s)
    for the cheapest funeral. This friend made 3/4 million quid when the Mafia stormed
    Tucson in the 70s !
33. In Sierra Leone, he learned to play the drums to communicate with other villages
34. He and his wife and 13 local people flew a twin engined Rockwell Commander from
    Essex to Bangkok in 1976, stopping at Istanbul & Bombay.
35. A stunning young American tourist invited him to spend "a few hours" at her flat
    for fixing her Hasselblad. He declined.
36. He writes a column twice-weekly for the main Pennsylvania newspaper.
37. He's made a 'bloody fortune' writing about a local Church
38. He writes regularly for the British Undertakers Society Newspaper 'Sunshine News'  
39. His favourite armchair at home was wired up so the arms acted as stereo speakers.
40. He was (mid 80s) writing a book about psychiatry with a friend who has an epileptic
    cat.
41. He trained Gerry Cottle's (Circus owner) chimps to work on a production line
42. His book on the Engineer in British Society will be a blockbuster.
43. Likewise, for his second book, on photography.
44. He used to take all the photo's for Raymond's Revue Bar in Soho.
45. He has a radio tuned permanently to Gatwick Air Traffic Control & another
    tuned to the Eastern Electricity Board ??!!??
46. He and his wife were left a huge amount of priceless jewellery in Dec 85 by a
    rich relative. 
47. He bought a 1902 porno book for ten quid and sold it, weeks later, for 1500 quid.
48. A 'ravishing young woman' physiotherapist treating him for a shoulder injury was
    so obsessed with his sexual magnetism that she used to treat him almost naked, apart
    from a virtually transparent white overall. She deliberately placed an ARC-LAMP behind 
    her so the overall became transparent.
49. He has collaborated on TV adverts with "Bucks Fizz".
50. He went out with some friends to a meal in a London Restaurant....total bill 1200 quid.
51. He described Hitler as "a middle of the road man"
52. He was invited to steer a supertanker alongside another and measured the gravitational
    attraction of the two.
53. A forensic scientist friend of his can detect buried bodies in motorway bridges using
    strain gauges. 
54. His mother used to run a Borstal (young offenders centre) and worked as a photographer.
55. He has taught female Borstal inmates to read & write.
56. On March 1st '86 he went to a party and chatted up the page 3 girl Samantha Fox.
57. In Feb '86 he landed his plane in Siberia. As the runway was frozen, the authorities
    strapped 4 jet engines to a sledge, turned them on, and dragged the sledge up the
    runway to melt the snow, so he could take off.
58. On 23rd April '86, a Capri 2.8i roared past him with a large bloke doing a Moonie
    out of the Capri passenger window. His recently 'bored out' Audi, soon left them as
    a dot in the rear-view mirror.
59. A close friend of his (Mr X was big in lingerie advertising) was the exclusive
    supplier of the Duchess of York's underwear.
60. He has spent years investigating the caves below the Rock of Gibraltar.
61. The street he was born in had 57 pubs in it (could explain a lot!!)
62. May 14th '86.....he burned off a VW Scirrocco by doing 100mph+ thru a 30mph zone.
63. He is a Tunisian Camel Racing champion and can get Camels to accelerate at 6g up
    to 55mph.
64. He edits a magazine for the Chinese speaking population of an Essex town.
65. He reckons if you go round a mini roundabout at more than 2mph, you get short-term
    internal bleeding.
66. As a young man he photographed the town of Ilford from a cement bucket 543 feet
    above the town, while rotating at 4rpm.
67. He has often lectured at the Royal Institution.....Yeah Right...what on...madness???
68. He spent one Xmas locked in a flat with young nurses
69. He used to run a schoolgirl dance troupe and drove them around in a Rolls Royce.
70. In Feb '89, he was offered the job of manager of the Bosch fuel injection plant
    at Rotterdam and a similar high-profile job in the USA. Both offered 5x the
    'substantial' salary he was already on at our electronics research lab.
71. In May '89, a customer of ours revealed that Mr X had asked him & his wife to
    appear in a porno film being shot by Mr X !!!
72. He owned the world's only 'two seats abreast' microlite.
73. He was instrumental in finding the Russian dissident and 3D TV expert "Goran
    Panadol" a home in Cornwall and tried to get him a job in England so we could
    "change the future of TV for ever".
                        ------------------------------------

DO YOU STILL WANT TO WORK IN THE ELECTRONICS INDUSTRY IN BRITAIN, WITH
NUTTERS LIKE THAT INVOLVED...PAID DOUBLE WHAT YOU GET ????????????


			-----------------------------------